Lucia chuckled a little when Luna commented on things never getting resolved, on the contrary, Lucia just felt that Luna was far too focused on the issues to really think through the situation itself. Things were still fresh, it was hard to have a good pair of eyes on it when it was new. Though if Luna wanted to solve things now, Lucia wouldn't fight with her, instead, with a soft press of lips to the girl's forehead, she let out a soft breath giving a firm nod knowing that she would make an earnest effort to set things right. "Alright, alright, we can talk about it. But don't push yourself, really Luna, I won't disappear or run, I'll always be around if you want to wait." Lucia explained with a gentle smile, stroking the girl's hair as she listened patiently to her concerns and worries. Though when she asked about never really intending to stick with one, that was something up in the air. For a moment Lucia wore a bitter smile. After experiencing so much heart break in her life, so much sadness; in truth she hadn't expected to have any lover. She was naturally satisfied with anyone who genuinely cared about her, for her and to be with her. It was for that reason she naturally never intended to turn anyone away who was interested, but it had never occurred to her that more then one would ever become an issue. "I never really gave it much thought. I just wanted to be happy, to be needed, to have someone special." Lucia explained with a nostalgic smile, thinking back to how sad and despair ridden those days were. She'd hid it really well, concealed that monster inside of her thoroughly. Yes, she kept those darker feelings and realities hidden deep away where they wouldn't hurt anyone. Instead, she continued with a sweet whisper. "I just don't want the people I care about to be sad, to be lonely you know? It's a sadness I know very well, so rather then that, why not just stay with all of them? All of us stay together, supporting each other? It just seemed a natural reaction." Lucia explained with a hum, her train of thought rather simple in truth. It went as far as 'why not?' and 'what is wrong' rather then the opposite of trying to find excuses. Though when Luna mentioned encouraging her to see some place or pushing Vivian together with her, Lucia couldn't help a somewhat dry laugh. In truth it wasn't her intention. Instead, Lucia would have rather introduced Vivian to Luna in a more gentle way, as companions initially. Vivian would have understood her intentions and desires well, while Luna was skiddish and nervous so it could have facilitated things and grown them much easier a little bit at a time rather then the trial by fire it seemed to become. "Push... Is a really strong word to use there Luna. From the start I didn't ever really want to force or pressure anybody." She explained patiently, but Luna might notice something a little... queer about Lucia's demeanor. The topic was something sad, distraught or at depressed, her word choice equally represented that. Her tone though didn't match the word choice, neither did her warm and gentle expression. As if Lucia refused to be 'sad', refused 'depression'. Instead, maintaining her radiant and warm inviting demeanor even now she continued on a little unnaturally. "I would have really liked things to happen a bit more naturally, rather then being forced. If I'd had the chance I would have rather things happened differently, but in the end your happiness is very important to me, just like Vivian's. I can wait. I can wait, and hold your hand, and walk with you as long as you need to understand me, I'm ready. But what I don't want Luna, is for you to feel like this was a mistake, like what I'm looking for is something superficial or fake. Do you understand?" She asked, patiently but that sorrow simply couldn't break through, whether it was her body language, facial expression or tone of voice. It was unnatural purely because her facade wouldn't allow those things to break through to the surface. Sadness was what she felt in reality, despair was a feeling she felt outside, it was unsightly, it was something that would bother Luna-- would bother everyone. She wouldn't let it loose, that darkness wouldn't be allowed to run wild or free. With will and resolution she repressed it with a gentle, reassuring smile, stroking the girl's hair out of concern. She would not be sad, because here she could shine brightly, here there were people who cared-- she just had to make sure they didn't worry.
Luna sighed into Lucia's embrace as the woman held her, pressing her lips to her forehead and whispering sweet nothings to her, reassuring her that things would be fine even if she didn't want to talk about everything that had been going on. In truth, she'd been more than slightly scared, unwarranted mind you, that Lucia would leave her for Vivian or would prefer the more sultry woman to herself, though deep down she knew that was absolutely an unfounded fear that she would probably just have to take tome to eventually shake from her mind. And hearing how Lucia had thought about what would happen now that multiple women had fallen for her, it almost made sense, though having been raised around nothing but couples, Luna was more than slightly wary that the idea might not be as easy or as cut and dry as Lucia seemed to make it appear. "I-i-it is a n-nice thought, b-but at the same time, w-what if things d-don't work out? T-there's no guarantee that V-Vivian and I...w-would get along that well..." She left out the time she'd spent with the woman, getting to know her a little better, wanting to keep that little olive branch that she'd extended to herself for now. She was making efforts and Vivian did seem like a nice woman, when she let those tougher walls come crumbling down just a little. Though, it was both reassuring and upsetting that Lucia had wanted her and Vivian to meet and get along. Sure, it was probably natural to want to introduce your friends and see if they got along, but when you wanted to date both of them, Luna couldn't help but wonder if it was just being greedy or needy at that point. Not that Lucia was a greedy woman, by any means, but there was so much about the woman she didn't understand, because Lucia would never let her see those sides of her. "Y-you know, you don't h-have to stay strong in front of me." She offered, after a moment of thought, not answering Lucia's question for now. "Vivian, s-she told me a lot. A-about the side of you t-that you w-won't show me. I um, I j-just want you t-to know that i-if you and Vivian are intent on t-the darkness..." She trailed off, wondering if what she was going to say was maybe something that the woman would misread. They'd been through the whole thing about darkness and evil not being identical. "I-if you are i-intent on e-embracing the d-darkness, I-I'll be your l-light. I'm...I d-don't think my d-darkness is like yours, b-but I know my light is b-bright." She wrapped her arms around the woman, before letting go and shifting away slightly. "T-that's why I'll try, f-for you a-and I s-suppose for V-Vivian too."
Lucia kept trying to reassure Luna with all of her heart. She didn't want this poor girl to be scared or devastated at heart over any surprises. In truth, Lucia just hoped things could smooth themselves out enough for time to tell, if that was the case she had confidence. Luna and Vivian were so special and dazzling after all, if they liked Lucia, there was no way they couldn't like each other. "I have confidence. After all, you both liked me after all right?" Lucia spoke with a gentle smile, as if implying that if they were satisfied with her, they should each also be more then capable of drawing each other in as well. Though hearing Luna comment on staying strong for her, for a moment Lucia hesitated. That familiar flash of bitterness touched her face briefly. Was there a hole again in her facade? Oblivious to the fact that it was the facade itself that caused this skewed feeling, she grew concerned that she might have missed something once more. That bitter expression remained, her smile bitter as she began to speak with a soft sigh. "Ah, don't say that. It's not quite what it seems if that's what you think, genuinely I wouldn't try to hide something so important." Lucia explained, putting some thought into exactly what Vivian might have commented on. Lucia was filled with darkness, magical powers, cruel thoughts, ambitions. Exactly which one was hard to decipher for Lucia, but in the end, she couldn't help the distressing thought that that 'thing' might have been mentioned. "We all have things about us we don't like, things that we try to change. It's a part of the reason I really wanted to help you-- you really wanted to change. And you're doing so well, you shine so brightly, I'm very proud." Lucia explained with a satisfied expression, Luna had grown quickly after all. Even if Lucia pushed her into it, she grew brightly into something beautiful that would just keep growing. While she said that though, she neglected to mention what it was about herself she didn't like, whether or not she could change, did change or was still trying to change. It was something painful for Lucia, something devastating which was why she put so much effort into locking it down and away. Though hearing Luna talk about embracing darkness, Lucia shook her head slowly, worried the girl had some misconceptions. After all, Lucia's view of dark and light were... 'interesting'. "Light and dark dear aren't so different, in truth, they're very similar, almost exactly the same. If you'd see me as the type who embraces darkness, I could only tell you that I do so because it's a lot easier then shining brightly." Lucia explained, but she seemed to struggle, she felt her expression quiver, her facade remained firm, but that quiver made her nervous, this sort of topic was one a touchy one. One that often made cracks appear where they weren't wanted. Trying to stray from those pessimistic thoughts of her own failure to shine, instead she moved towards trying to be helpful and educational.
"I um, I d-don't think that's h-how it works, Lucia..." Luna drawled as Lucia mentioned that both of them liking Lucia made them more capable of being able to bond with each other. Vivian was an interested woman, for sure, but they were so fundamentally different that such an approach was probably thrown out of the window. "It could a-also make us m-more likely to d-despise each other, o-or be jealous." She wanted Lucia to know that a happy ending...just wasn't guaranteed like the woman seemed to really believe. So many different things could go wrong with this. "But I-I'm t-trying to bond with her....t-to find common ground. S-she's opened up a b-bit to me too, d-despite having o-only just met me..." She admitted. Whether that was odd for Vivian to do or not, she wasn't sure. And again, Lucia's refusal to let her see the weaker, more hurt side of the necromancer was a little bit hurtful, though she could understand. Lucia...she didn't want to have to let that side of her show if she could avoid it, which was understandable. It was just hard not to take it as an admission that the woman didn't think she could be strong when she was needed to be strong. As was natural, those ugly, self destructive thoughts briefly manifested themselves and tried to root themselves in her brain, but Luna shrugged it off with only a slight frown. She wasn't going to be a slave to her own paranoia. The talk about change was what she chose to focus on, wanting to leave the idea of light and dark behind them. She'd probably never really understand Lucia's viewpoint on that particular topic, definitely not Vivian's either. It was up to her to form her own view point and worldview, though she was aware that light and dark were about as subjective as could be. One person's hero was another person's villain and so on. Still, it was more important that somebody realize the line between right and wrong, more so than the line between light and dark. And when they mentioned change, she hummed in agreement with the woman, before standing up and looking and Lucia. "I-If y-you'll let me be a little bit selfish, I have a request.." She looked down at the floor, before glancing back to Lucia, a small, reserved smile on her face. "Please l-let me f-fight you! I-I want to show you h-how much I've been practicing r-recently!"
Lucia couldn't help a flicker of a bitter smile when Luna didn't understand what she meant. In truth she'd thought that because both of the girls could bring themselves to like someone like her, then they'd be able to find something special in each other no problem. Lucia herself evaluated herself rather lowly in regards to specialness. She was confident in things like physique, power, but in the ability to pull and rouse people, she felt she was on the bottom wrung for good measure. After all, wasn't she the one most susceptible to jealousy? "I have faith in you." She spoke, swallowing up all of those doubts and frustrations about herself, she didn't want her facade to crack, the woman didn't need that kind of confusion now of all times. While Luna was suffering from bad thoughts though, Lucia tried to lean in gently to give her a sweet kiss. A very soft, very faint brush of her lips against Luna's. The contact was brief and very delicate, so much so that it might be misunderstood as something else had Lucia's intentions not been so clear. She lowered her voice a little, speaking in a low tone for a moment. Her usual warm and enchanting tone grew faint, mellow, to an extent it was monotonous and dry. Her facade cracked briefly, as if trying to show just a flicker of how bad and unsightly that 'thing' inside of her was. "I love you Luna. If you want to see... 'That' part of me, I don't think this is the best place. I want to be strong, immaculate and dazzling here-- For everyone, even myself." Lucia admitted there was sadness and longing in her tone that didn't match the sweetness in her face. "If seeing that mess, seeing that 'thing' is very important to you, you can come find me here. There, you'll be able to understand and see why, I promise." She urged with a brief gesture. Once Lucia finished talking, Luna would get a sudden PM, the words written were very simple, a single line. It was a mailing address, one that Lucia didn't hesitate to give out to this girl who she didn't know in reality, Lucia gave her address out without a flash of restraint. The reasons though were simple; she trusted Luna, naturally, that was an important reason. The second though was more unfortunate; Lucia didn't believe anyone could do anything to her in reality that would cause her more pain or misfortune then she already felt. Even if Luna had ill intentions to attack her or rob her blind, it would just be something to brighten up her reality. Something that would give her a brief moment of special-ness in the real world even if it didn't last. Though Luna's request made her hesitate briefly. For a moment, her expression cramped. Her facade remained firm after giving her address, the cracks had been filled, but the cramp came for another reason. Luna intended to spar with her, just how much strength should she use? Her thoughts raced quickly as she looked into the girl's eyes closely exploring for any hint of what the request might entail specifically. If she could use necromancy it would be a good training tool, but if not...-- The thought made Lucia shudder involuntarily. "Okay... Which subordinate should I use then I wonder, what kind of sparing match were you hoping for?" She tried to dissuade the woman stealthily, subtly shifting the nature of Luna's opponent from her to undead. The reason was clear, Lucia's combat style revolved around summoning and command, she felt it was something she could get away with. If Luna persisted and wanted to fight 'HER' though, she could only grimace internally, knowing her passive skill would trigger from the event... it made her nervous just thinking about it.
Faith was one thing, but it a rather tall order for Lucia to ask her to, essentially, fall in love with Vivian too. It definitely wasn't something that she could just sit there and pretend that she was certain that she could manage to do, especially when some days she woke up and wasn't even certain if she'd have the confidence to talk to anybody. Feeling that Lucia was such a special person though, it made it easier to at least try for the necromancer's sake. The last thing that she wanted to do was hurt the woman after all and she could see that her not being willing to at least try would probably bring Lucia a lot of hurt later on in the future. At least trying now, she would be able to say that she'd attempted to let things be the way that Lucia wanted them to be.
And then Lucia moved closer to chastely kiss her, before leaning back again, though now she sounded different, less full of life than she usually sounded. It was actually fairly scary for Luna, though she sat there and nodded as the woman spoke and told her about things. The woman, she genuinely wanted to be a different person in this game, though what stopped her from being Lucia in the real world too? It was difficult to understand and she was caught off guard when her inbox suddenly flared up, invisible to Lucia of course, revealing a set of letters and numbers that could only be an address. Luna gasped, looking at Lucia. "T-this! This is a-an address!" She knew it was kind of redundant to state the obvious, but she couldn't help the surreal feeling from consuming her, that the woman had even given her an address was so strange and different. Though, the next, less pleasant surprise came when the woman asked her which subordinate she wanted to fight. Did....did Lucia really think she wasn't even worth fighting personally? She coughed, looking at the woman, before shrugging. "I-I don't know many o-of your subordinates, L-Lucia. I-I was t-t-thinking m-maybe you could face me yourself?" She asked, looking to where Natiri was still playing with the summoned undead. "N-Not that you have to if you don't want to!"
Lucia nodded a little when Luna mentioned it being an address. She hoped this would be enough to deter Luna from investigating further. Truly, she didn't want that side of her to rear it's ugly face in a place where she felt happy. It had been so long since she'd felt like she could do anything, going back, letting that 'monster' loose, was just too much to bare. She didn't want Luna feel that 'thing's gaze, as if it would somehow taint the poor innocent girl. Even Vivian who'd spied a bit of it during her ritual magic, Lucia tried to protect the people she was close to from it. "If you ever want to see that part. I'll be waiting, I promise." She tried, using encouraging words with fear and nervousness in her heart. Though her heart only sank further when Luna clarified. Certainly Luna made it clear she wanted to fight 'HER' but Lucia couldn't help expressing extreme concern. Her combat style wasn't one that Luna would be able to struggle against, it was a very ruthless, very cruel and harsh style and method of fighting. She restrained herself from using it just because she knew what kind of damage it caused, what it did to the world around her and to herself as well. It was something that would definitely trigger her passive skill, something that would make that 'monster' flare up with the desire to participate. "I... Well, it's not that I don't want to." She murmured, searching for an excuse, but it was getting harder. There was no reason for her to not participate and fight Luna to help show her what the future has to hold, but Lucia was worried such a thing would crush her hopes or make her fall back to how she was before. They'd been doing so well in helping Luna grow, she didn't want the girl to lose confidence because she bit off something she shouldn't have. "If you're certain. I don't mind. Just... Promise me you won't lose hope? My style of combat isn't one that's good for sparing, it isn't for helping or promoting growth. You... can't 'learn' from a fight with me." Lucia admitted with a bitter smile as she began to let Luna go slowly. Standing up, she took a few steps back. Giving herself a faint brush with her hands, she dusted herself off looking at Luna with a burdened sigh. "If you want to try, I'm ready, please do your best, and no matter what, remember that you're capable of great things. I promise, you're doing very well." Lucia explained knowing her style of combat, this was not going to be pretty. Lucia's method of fighting, after all, was perhaps one of the most disturbing options of the game. She cringed internally, waiting for Luna to start with hope in her heart that the woman wouldn't be bothered.
It was such a strange, unwelcome feeling, hearing Lucia sounding this dull and seeing her struggling with herself so much. What stopped the woman from being the Lucia that she'd met all the time? Why did she feel so different outside of battle than she seemed to feel in reality or in battle? Had something terrible happened, was she some sort of soldier that had retired after seeing the horrors of war or something along those lines? Did battle dredge up those awful memories that Lucia had spoken about? Of the earlier days of the game when nobody knew anything and people were only around to look out for themselves and their own interests? And even worse was the woman's hesitance to actually fight her, the strange sense of both fear and despair that she could see coming from the woman. What was so bad about her fighting personally that made her so hesitant and upset at the thought of a simple spar? She'd never seen the woman fight before, though she couldn't understand any sort of style that would be so bad that it wasn't something that could be used to spar with. Even people that were trained solely to kill other people were still able to spar with people without killing them, weren't they? "L-Lucia..." She mumbled to herself, unaware of whether or not the necromancer could actually hear her, looking at the woman uncertainly. Eventually, she sighed and lowered her arms, scared and confused at the way the woman had been speaking. It was almost as if Lucia had expected that there was a chance she wouldn't even survive the fight. "I-if you really don't want to fight me, I'll respect that. I-I just...want to show you how much I've grown." She fidgeted slightly in place, before looking up at the woman. "W-what about one of your servants? S-somebody strong, b-but loyal?"
Lucia shook her head firmly when she heard Luna's hesitance. She wasn't exactly sure how the woman was interpreting her reservations and unwillingness, but Lucia felt that Luna wasn't resolved enough to face something like 'Her', at the very least, her skills were things that left no hope. She'd approached the game with intentions of being an unstoppable monster after all. It was only afterwards that she realized that the skills she'd taken were far too harsh or disastrous. "I don't mind if you want to try and spar against me Luna. I know you well though, I worry that if you try to spar against me, you'll lose confidence. I really want you to have faith in yourself, but, thinking about how you'd try to fight me, well--" She couldn't help a bitter smile. After all, who could compare to her in Malefimancy, who understood the dark magic better then she did? "If you want to try dear, now's your chance. Just know though, my style was not meant to be fair, it's not reasonable, it's very cruel and harsh. I have faith in you, but I don't want to be the reason you give up." Lucia admitted with a dry and self-mocking laugh. If Luna wanted to see, Lucia would try her best to firm up her facade and keep it firm, but she couldn't help some of that worry and nervousness come through, much like Luna thought, it was like a soldier thinking back to harrowing times. Seeing her enemies fall to the ground powerlessly, hacking away at her while cursing, trying to channel magic in vain. She'd seen powerful and proud people turn into despairing shells of their former selves fighting against her. Seen people question their paths, question their life's hard work and effort to be strong when they found out what had become of that strength. It was a familiar despair, one that she sympathized with, so she understood their pain well as she watched them fade into dust time after time. Thinking about that happening to Luna though, thinking about the girl turning her back on her future, and falling to the ground with thoughts of her efforts being meaningless. The thought made Lucia cringe. She didn't want that girl to have the same scars she did, but Luna wanted to test herself, to try and stand opposite of Lucia for a comparison. Lucia was uncertain exactly what would happen... even if Lucia stopped and didn't let Luna die, would she still have hope for the future? Would she be able to stay hopeful about her future and her goals? "If it will help you Luna, I'm ready." Lucia explained with a gentle smile, warmth in her heart trying to do her best to support this girl in front of her. Whether or not she could succeed she had no idea, but what she wanted the most was to help her grow. She reached down to her waste, for the bound grimoire that always hung loosely by a small chain. With a slender finger, she unlatched the chain, letting the wrapped book fall into her hand before lifting it with a small nod. "My magic... is Desolation. I am Envy, and Envy is me. Despair is my body and Hopelessness flows through my veins. Unknown to greatness, nor known to misfortune. Whether abandoned or forgotten, discarded by those who found greatness in themselves. Without meaning, without purpose, burdened with scars that cannot be seen. My Magic is Desolation, The source of Envy, The power of Nihilism." She spoke, her words causing the Shadow Tome's bindings to loosen as she pulled away the bandage that kept it wrapped. What was beneath it was a simple black book, but it's title was strangely also written in back, the only means one had to read it's words were to glance at it from strange angles to read the impressions left behind by the writer. "I have faith in you Luna. Just... know that someday you'll shine brightly. So brightly... you won't need to worry about what happens here today." Lucia spoke, tempted to say 'you won't need me' but she managed to restrain the words of that thing deeper inside. Maintaining a gentle smile despite the unsettling lavender glow of the grimoire she held under her arm. She beckoned to Luna encouragingly. "Hurry... If you don't start now, it will get harder." She admitted, trying her best to make sure Luna had every chance possible.
This....this was going far further than Luna had ever intended for it to go. She'd requested a simple spar or something to test herself against, though Lucia made it seem like she'd confessed to a crime that she would end up being put to death for. She shuddered, shaking slightly as Lucia spoke more and more, about how she'd lose confidence, about how Lucia's power was Envy and Nihilism, about how Lucia was cruel and how dangerous she could be. She spoke of faith, but then seemed convinced that no matter what happened, Luna would give up or lose hope in everything that she'd ever done. It was like life would seem worthless and pointless if she decided to go ahead with fighting the necromancer. And as much as she didn't want to admit it, Luna was scared, terrified even. That book seemed so vile, so destructive when it was open. It was like it was replacing the Lucia she loved with a monster that wore her face and used her voice. She grit her teeth, tears welling up in her eyes again as she made her choice, slowly walking up to Lucia, the few paces away that they were. It didn't take long to reach the woman, where she brought her hands up to rest them atop Lucia's, pushing the book closed gently before wrapping it again, looking Lucia in the eyes for a moment, reaching up to remove her flower decoration. "D-d-don't....Lucia..." She whimpered, leaning forwards to press her forehead against the woman's, wrapping her arms around the woman and pulling her into a deep, tight hug. She could feel every curve of the woman, the way each breath they took caused the other to vibrate slightly, still looking the necromancer in the eyes. "Don't...force yourself t-to do this if it hurts you, Lucia..." She smiled through her tears, through the emotional pain that seeing Lucia hurt and conflicted caused her. A lot of what Lucia had said, about nihilism and emptiness, had gone completely over her head. But she could tell that the woman was hurting, that she was in pain. "Lucia....y-you're not f-forgotten or abandoned. You have more than h-hopelessness and envy." She slowly stroked a hand down the woman's back, blinking tears away softly. "W-we're more than our demons. Y-you gave me hope, h-helped me find t-the greatness t-that I can be if I t-try. Y-you're a f-friend, a teacher, a lover..." She glanced away slowly, a blush tinting her face light pink, both eyes now visibly shining. "You are m-my hope, my future. Y-you could only t-take that away by abandoning me. I...I love you..."
Lucia only let out a relieved sigh, seeing Luna trying to bandage her grimoire up. It was a little cute in her own mind, to see the girl so diligently trying to wrap it once more like it was a magical seal of some kind. In truth, all of that unsavory and unsightly evil was in her somewhere. All of that negativity was there, deep down behind her facade, that nihilism was her in her natural state of being, that despair and desolation were things used to describe her reality. While there was a good chance of that seeing some change soon, Lucia tried not to keep her hopes up too high. Too often did she find hope only to see it fade away into the aether once more. With a soft shake of her head, she tilted up Luna's to look into her eyes, seeing the girl's concern and worry made her smile a little, there was a brief chink in her facade, her smile was faint and delicate. It was the burdened smile of someone who had fought and fought and fought with nothing to show for it... to the point of hopelessness and bitter acceptance finally receiving a small flash of hope once more. Though feeling Luna hug her, try to convince her she had more, Lucia just nodded, knowing well she had more these days then ever before in her life. "That's right. I have you... I have Vivian. I have my friends I've made here. I know that very well dear." She explained, stroking the girl's hair tenderly, she seemed so distressed after all. Lucia knew those things as well, her life now was brighter then it had ever been but... she still had to go back to that harsh reality, to that place where her happiness couldn't follow her, where her facade was useless. "How to explain though, Dark magic takes advantage of darkness. I can be so strong because my understanding is strong. Desolation, Nihilism, Despair, Futility, I know them well, so I can use them well, it promotes growth and makes me as strong as I am for many reasons." Lucia explained but let out a soft chuckle, a bit sheepish as she let her gaze list to one side, a bit shy as she continued on. It was a little embarrassing after all, admitting that your strength came from a place of weakness, that you were successful because you've experienced so many different types of failures. "That's why I have faith in you though Luna. As someone who's made it this far with only hard work, someone who has talent like you will definitely go far." She explained with a gentle smile. Though it was for that same reason she was a little bitter and sad. Luna had the potential to become great and dazzling, but when she did make it that far, would she still remember Lucia after leaving her behind on that road? So many others just kept walking without looking back, and while Lucia was proud of them, it was lonely only being able to look at their backs as they left to do great things with their lives. "I love you too Luna. Just like I said before, you're mine, I won't let you go, I promise." She explained. She'd cling to the sweet girl with nails and claws if she had to, she didn't want to let her go, but there were times when hard work just wasn't enough, she could only try so hard to cling to people after all. "Now then, do you feel better?" She asked with some concern, after all, despite her being the one with scars, Lucia had long ago accepted her fate and destiny. For Luna to whom such a hopeless and desloate side of Lucia was still fresh, it might be harder to accept.
There was the Lucia that she remembered falling for, the woman that would stroke her hair and massage her, make her feel warm, wanted and safe. Standing in the arms of the woman, she could only ever feel like nothing would ever be able to hurt her. It was a feeling of safety that she wouldn't trade for the whole world. She smiled through tears, pushing her forehead against the woman's once again, keeping her arms wrapped firmly around the woman as if she might disappear forever if she let go again. "I-I know, Lucia. I-I just want you to know that I'll n-never leave you. U-unless you decide....you don't want me anymore." She almost frowned at the thought, though she didn't let it show in the end. "I-I just wish you could find...the same strength through different emotions. I-if your sorrow and envy can bring you strength...why can't your love also bring strength?" She looked at the woman, swallowing heavily to suppress her sadness, as if she were trying to bury it within herself again. "I-I just want to see you happy. I-I hurt when you hurt, dummy." She grinned slightly, wiping at her own eyes before she leaned forward to tap her lips to Lucia's, pulling away just as fast. It was the best effort she could make in terms of physical affection just now, but she really was trying to be more open and more confident with herself and what she did. Hopefully Lucia had been able to take notice of that, at the very least. Did she feel better? She blinked, nodding once, before she unwrapped herself from Lucia and took a step back. "I-I feel a little better now. I'm sorry for suggesting that, I just....w-want to prove I can be useful." She looked down, not quite pouting, but somewhere close. "V-Vivian t-tested me i-in a fight. I-it was so scary....e-even if I won?" Had she won? It felt like she'd won, having made the woman call the fight off, though maybe Vivian would tell a different story.
Lucia only continued stroking her hair affectionately, but hearing her comment on deciding that she might not want her, Lucia frowned a little. Her hands suddenly playfully seizing Luna by the chest, her hands roughly mixing up her soft bosom as she squeezed, shook and tug. "If you say something like that again I'll get mad. Luna is my precious treasure. I'll never have a time when I don't want her." She spoke firmly, the resolution clear in her voice. She would never abandon this adorable girl, she knew that for a fact. If for no other reason then Lucia adored her. Instead, Lucia worried she might be stifling the girl, that having her to fall back on might cause more problems for Luna's growth. She could only sigh, knowing she too much enjoyed the thought of keeping her loved ones close. Hearing Luna's comment on finding strength in love though, Lucia felt bittersweetness in her heart. Certainly, finding power in love would be fantastic, magnificent even... But she didn't want to pollute those feelings for gain. Didn't want to convert them into strength-- She wanted to cherish them. "My sadness is easy to use, I dislike it, disapprove of it, I feel no shame or regrets turning it into a weapon to fight with. I can use it without restraint, without worry, it is something I don't need to treasure and something i have in abundance." She explained. Love, though was naturally different, she shook her head, still playing with Luna's chest but more gently when she met her eyes. "I... Want to cherish my love. I don't want to turn these important feelings-- Feelings I have for you, for Vivian into a weapon. I don't want to point them at random strangers, to weaponize them or study and critique them. They're too important." She explained with a sheepish smile. She'd thought this through, perhaps more then most. Lucia made use of her negativity, but her positivity, what little there was in her life, she wanted to cling to it and savor it. Though hearing her reasons, Lucia only flashed a kind smile and shook her head, worried the girl might be growing overconfident and losing confidence at the same time somehow. "Everyone is useful dear, everyone has their place. You too, have things you're good at and bad at. Like Vivian, Like me, we all have skills and abilities that contribute to the whole-- What you should be working towards dear, is supporting that whole, finding where you fit, and resolving yourself to fulfill that role to the best of your abilities." She explained, finally letting her hands fall from Luna's body with a firm nod. Having explained that though, Lucia held out a hand towards Luna. "If you want to see how much you've changed though, I can show you, just like the first time, we can find a place to see." She explained with a kind smile, but unlike the first time, when she pulled Luna onto Alice's back to show her something, Lucia waited, believing Luna had the confidence to at least join her willingly.
"Nnnngh, L-Lucia!" Luna gasped, looking down at her chest as the Necromancer squeezed it as a reprimand. Who did that as a way to punish somebody and not as a gesture of affection? It hadn't even hurt or anything, so it sure as heck hadn't felt like she was being punished for saying or doing something that she wasn't supposed to. Still, it was nice that the woman seemed so certain that she'd never lose her feelings for her, even if there was no way to actually prove that besides to see where the future would take them. And that was a scary thought, being totally at the mercy to the passings of time, with no way to tell whether her heart would be broken or her spirits would be destroyed. Though the whole thing about not wanting to weaponize her love, instead wanting to cherish and hold it close, Luna could really understand. She hadn't quite found an emotion or thought to power her own magic, she just willed it to happen and went through the motions mechanically, which she couldn't tell whether it was good or bad. It was just like doing something mind numbingly boring for her, it didn't dredge any sorts of emotion forwards, though she'd never really been pushed to the brink and had to rely on only herself. She'd always had somebody there, whether it was Lucia or another person that she met on her travels, temporarily watching her back for her. Heck, she even had Natiri to rely on now, she never had to stand alone, maybe because she wasn't even capable of doing such a thing? How could she stand on her own when all her life she'd been surrounded by people that wanted to stand with her? That wouldn't let her stand alone? Though the talk about fitting into a whole, about being part of a unit, was probably supposed to make her feel better, instead only making her feel a little worse. Was Lucia saying that she would only ever be useful as part of a larger unit? That she really couldn't make anything of herself by herself? Was she really so reliant on other people that she'd gotten to the point where even her lover couldn't see her as somebody that would stand tall by themselves if they had to? She coughed, looking at the woman's outstretched hand for a moment, before taking it gently, looking Lucia in the eyes uncertainly. "S-show me. I-I want to see."
