Open - SOS LAWYER REQUESTED

HORIZON

*KSSSHHHHHHHT*

Am I getting a signal on this thing? Ahem! Ahem! There we go...

I, HORIZON, am currently seeking legal counsel. APPARENTLY, the locals get really, really mad when you break their pots and take their stuff. Stupid right? I mean, if you don't want random people coming into your house lock your damn doors. Maybe get a safe too. Those pots were really easy to break... But I digress.

Anyway, after beating me with sticks for about ten minutes or so as I tried to escape, one of them got the bright idea to trip me. Now, I'm locked in someone's cellar. Frankly, the situation doesn't look good. There's only booze and pickles down here, and I would have to break the pickle jars to get to the pickles. The tops are on too tight. I don't even like pickles...

So, I am seeking a lawyer, preferably one with experience, to get me out of this mess. I have no money to pay you, but I promise to leave you a 5 star review on Yelp. If I had money, I could've just bought them more pots, right?

Actually, if someone were willing to give me a small business loan, that would work too.

Should you be willing to accept, I will send you my coordinates pronto.


I'll be awaiting the good news,

-HORIZON, Over.

"Well that's that."

Horizon sighed.

"But now what should I do...?"

Eyeing the pickles on the shelf behind her, she shook her head. She needed a contingency plan in the event that help wasn't coming. In fact, if she didn't get a reply soon and the villagers came down to check on her, she'd be discovered to have escaped her rope restraints...

"This is just like one of those escape room games right? No need to worry, Trish, we can escape this no problemo."

Trying to psyche herself up, she looked around the room once more. There were some basic gardening tools, which would serve as weapons... but Horizon really didn't want to make herself out to be a violent criminal. Even if she didn't plan on harming anyone, threatening them with rudimentary weapons was just plain lame. A true scientist would surely use a more civilized weapon from a future age.

Lightly testing the trapdoor, she found it to budge open a bit, but still, it was chained shut. Horizon could see the chains however...

"If I break the chains, then I can just make a run for it. But then, there'll be wanted posters or something. I really don't want to give up this suit... so much work to become kobold proof... ugh... what a pain..."

Horizon crossed her arms.

"I could hammer it with some kind of bolt fulcrum, but that might be too loud. Well, there's fertilizer here, I could probably make a bomb..."

Horizon shrugged.

"This is why I hate people."

And with that, Horizon got to work while waiting on word of potential rescue...

 

Grand Witch Majolica

Hehehe, if you would like assistance, please say, "Majolica" aloud.

 

"Well, that was fast but... what...?"

HORIZON

Uhhh... Look lady, I know beggars can't be choosers, but you're not gonna take my soul or something right...?

As if. Hahaha.

Horizon hadn't expected whatever the heck Majolica was to respond to her call for aid, but she seemed like she might be a pain. Probably didn't even have a business card. Typically Majolicas didn't make situations end through deescalation. But then again, neither did fertilizer bombs...

"Seriously, this is starting to sound like a lawyer joke... but what the hay..."

Coughing twice, Horizon cleared her throat.

"Majolica."

...
..
.

"I'm an idiot."

Sighing, Horizon reopened the communication channel.

HORIZON

Very funny, but are you going to help me or no---

Well, something happened. If you asked Horizon to explain it though... well... yeah... Don't ask for the impossible okay...?

 

Poof!

A burst of black and purple smoke went off feet from @HORIZON after which, a hacking cough could be heard.

"Hehehe..."

More coughing.

"I need to work on this a bit more, hehe."

Majolica fanned away the smoke from her face then saw HORIZON. After taking a deep breath, Majolica pointed at HORIZON with a grin.

"Hehehe! Look in awe upon I! Grand Witch Majolica! Most powerful Witch in the world! Be grateful, for I have taken time out of my busy day to come and rescue you while also forcing you to work for me as payment! Hehehe! Now get your things together and let's go! Hehehe! I'll take my pickles now though thank you! Hehehehe!"

Majolica began to search the room for a door to leave the cellar while slowly coming to the realization that they were underground. As this was the first time she had used her name curse to appear somewhere, she was quickly realizing that magic she used for this particular curse still had some kinks that needed to be worked out.

 

Horizon hesitantly held up a hand. Her right eye was twitching, but that really wasn't visible through her helmet.

"Y-Yo..."

She lowered that same hand.

"So like, that's a cool trick and all, but I don't work for free. But hey, if you help me out, well, just think of all the exposure, right? I'll be sure to refer you to my friends. By the way those pickles aren't mine..."

Horizon went through the motions scratching her head at a loss, but, considering she was within her suit, it was merely that gesture.

"And just FYI, I could've gotten out of here too... It's just, like, my rep is super bad with these people now. If they hate me it'll be a pain, okay? I don't want to get hit with any more sticks. It doesn't hurt but it's like really, really annoying... So the goal is to convince them that i'm not a bad person..."

Horizon sighed.

"So if you're thinking of poofing me out of here..."

Suddenly, the hatch door opened.

"GOOD GODS THE DEMON SUMMONED A WITCH!"

"Ah..."

Horizon turned and looked at Majolica. The blank unexpressive glass of her helmet seemed to be saying 'well, he isn't wrong.'

It wasn't quite a rumble, but sure enough, it seemed like the village militia was coming to beat her up.

"...I'll take the poof if you have it..."

 

"Hehehe, well you've got one thing right, those pickles aren't yours at all, hehe, they're mine!"

Majolica made her way to the pickles, unscrewed the jar and chomped on one. As she did, the cellar door opened where a towns person with a pitch fork began shouting. Taking the jar, Majolica walked towards the stairs.

"Hey dummies! I'm Grand Witch Majolica of the Lion's Pride! We defeated the bandit king remember?! Hehehe, I just came over here to apprehend this person! Hehe, I also have a note for who you can bill for the damages! Hehehe!"

 

"...."

The man was taken aback.

"B-but if that's true why are you eating my wife's pickles? She's pregnant and very ill... they're the only thing that can help with her cramps..."

He looked down. He was sad.

"I know that there are a lot of pickles and I don't mean to brag... but they are very very delicious but... it takes a long time to make pickles... ya know?"

Horizon turned toward Majolica.

Wow, really happy I didn't eat any pickles...

Horizon cleared her throat.

"Hey old dude... i'm starting to feel bad about breaking all your village's stuff now. Say... if I were to make something that helps your wife feel better would you guys maybe... let me go...?"

"You would still owe the rest of us a lot of gol-"

Another man in the back had piped up, but his wife whacked him.

"...What proof do we have you wouldn't simply run away...?" The husband asked.

"What if this lion...? Is that what it was? Well whatever the Witch is, she could put a curse on me until I do it, or something. Well Majo? Can ya do that? You can take me in or whatever after, right?"

Horizon winked three times at Majolica.

"Like a super -deadly- curse. One where I -definitely- wouldn't just run away at the first chance of freedom."

Horizon gave a thumbs up.

Everyone waited to see what the Witch would do. If the Witch did the curse, then surely, she was on the side of justice, false claims of being a lion or no. Though if she had a golden Lion's Pride Badge instead of the one she'd gotten from looting bandit ruins, this whole think might have gone a bit smoother. Tsk. Tsk.

 

"Hehehe, well I guess you did break the law! Hehe, don't worry, the curse won't kill you unless you do something stupid! Hehehe!"

Holding her hand out, black magic began to pool into The Grand Witch's palm. Slowly, chains made of smoking shadow began to slither out, snaking their way around @HORIZON and began to tighten. After completely constricting HORIZON, they formed into a lock sealing the curse.

"Hehe, there! All done. Now if you do something dumb, you die! Hehehe. You're now under arrest by Grand Witch Majolica, Witch Ops Commander, for crimes against this town. Hehehe, before I take you in, you should apologize to all these people! Hehe, I'll let you think of something to say while I escort you out."

Majolica turned towards the town members.

"Now, hehe, please make way so I can escort the prisoner out of the cellar so they can be taken into captivity! Hehehe!"

As the town's people parted, Majolica moved behind HORIZON grabbing her shoulder to push her forward. As they moved past the town's people who had now taken a few steps back to give them space, The Grand Witch decided to address them all again. It was a good opportunity to gain some notoriety as it were.

"Hehehe! Town's people, I thank you for your assistance in helping to apprehend this despicable perpetrator! Hehehe, just so you know, I am Grand Witch Majolica, member of The Lion's Pride and Commander of The Witch Ops Battalion! Hehehe, both groups have pledged to defend this realm from all threats, which means I'm a good guy here to help and protect you! Hehehe! Let's continue to make our country a wonderful and peaceful place to live! Hehehe!"

Majolica eyed the crowd waiting for applause. Someone in the back started a slow clap, but it didn't catch on.

Good enough I guess, hehehe.

Majolica whispered into the side of HORIZON'S helmet,

"Well, hehehe, go on and say you're sorry!"

 

"...Hey, weren't you supposed to be working for me...? Well, whatever..."

Horizon whispered back.

Definitely not paying her... not that I could anyway...

Sighing, Horizon turned toward the crowd that'd gathered, they didn't seem too sure what to make of Majolica, but for now, they were cautiously letting her do as she pleased.

"Uhhh... My bad..."

Horizon bowed a bit.

"No worries though, I'm like super smart, so I'll set this right in a jiffy. Really! This is like more a fortunate turn of even---"

Yikes... if looks could kill.

"---Anyway, just leave it to me. Yeahhhhh...."

Horizon's enthusiasm was flagging. Her raised fist slowly deflated back down to her side. Majolica had her on a leash, but Horizon was leading the way. Like that, they exited the village.

***
Moments later...

Horizon broke the silence as the pair walked on the outskirts of the town.

"...SoOoooOoo.... Majowhatever... Apparently ya didn't get the memo to put on some kinda fake curse because... ahahaha..."

Horizon pointed at the black chains encircling her like some kind of lich from warcraft.

"This totally looks like the real thing! Isn't that like, ya know, a problem? I know i'm a genius, so no offense, but could it be that my hint went totally over your head? Was I too avant garde??"

Horizon sighed with her entire body as she walked...

"Don't tell me you're ACTUALLY some kinda ally of justice or something... I mean... aren't 'Grand' Witches supposed to poison princesses and i dunno, fight color-coordinated teenagers with attitude? Like what's all that about...jeez..."

So something for cramps that won't harm a pregnant woman or the kid in the compartment, huh... aghh.... what a pain...

Moreover... I can't solve this too quickly or it won't look like I was trying hard to make up for my 'penance'.

Curse your brilliance Trisha... Life just isn't fair at all is it?

"Well, it is what it is. Time to get to work then, yo wanna see something cool?"

Gonna need a new tent after this, but it beats walking all the way back to town with a freaking guillotine over my head...

Horizon dropped a rudimentary tent she had made from some sort of cloth and flexible scrap iron on the ground. It was something she'd kept in her inventory in the event that she would end up roughing it outdoors. She then telekinetically pulled in the moss growing from the nearby trees into a pile and nodded, satisfied.

"That'll do pig..."

The Spacegirl took a deep breath and...

"CONCEPT! CONSTRUCT!"

The items began to emit a bright light as the moss went into the tarp and the tarp sealed itself with thread and needle to create pillows. The tent's flexible metal skeleton then formed into a back brace to support a late-pregnant woman's belly. That would conceivably help with the muscle pain and strain while on the move. The pillows became padding ensuring that the brace was ergonomic. Aside from that, there was one spare pillow for lying down as well.

"..."

Horizon crossed her arms and admired her work. She nodded, satisfied. Then, for good measure...

"CONCEPT! ENHANCE!"

Stars danced around the new items giving them a gentle sparkle. If one studied them under investigation mode, he or she would see that they now had the property of 'soothing' tacked on.

"And that should do it. It feels totally unscientific to do things this way, but then again i'm a genius, so it's probably fine. Sufficiently advanced technology, yada yada..."

She was speaking to herself. Nodding she seemed in higher spirits before she paused.

"Crap, sure enough, I finished way too fast. Hey Majo, it's only been like 15 minutes, it'll seem pretty suspicious if we return that fast right? Hate to say it, but people out here don't seem to give a damn about Lions or whatever. Aint boonie people the worst? Not that I know what a Lion is either. The hell's a Witch Ops anyway, ahaha, that's a dumb name! You in a band? Like that part was a lie right?"

 

"Hehehe, eh, it is the real thing? It's a super powerful curse that will turn your body into mush? You work for me now remember? Hehehe, I don't know if you're a bad guy or not yet, so think of it as a leash! Hehehe, do Space Goblins not know when they've been taken prisoner? Hehehe."

When the Space Goblin said something about working for her, Majolica slapped her knee while giggling.

"Hehehehe, work for you? Hehehehehehe... you're a silly little Space Goblin aren't you? Hehehehe. I'm The Grand Witch! I'm very powerful and have my own battalion! Hehehe, why would I work for you? That doesn't make any sense, hehehe. No, hehe, you work for me! That way you get to build cool stuff for me and my team, hehehe, and that way you don't have to go jail or be killed by the curse you asked me to put on you for some reason! Hehehe!"

Majolica was excited when HORIZON showed off her technology. There weren't many things that magic couldn't do in this world, but in case there was a situation where magic couldn't be used, it was always good to have some scientists around.

"Hehe! That's good! Look at you and all your gadgets and gizmos! Hehehe, yep you're going to come in real handy. Hehehe, the Witch Ops is a team of dark heroes that works to defend the realm! Hehehe, since we're dark heroes we get to use things like sabotage and more nefarious means to protect the people! Hehehe, and since I'm The Commander and The Grand Witch, I can do whatever I want! That's why I saved you from becoming swiss cheese, hehe, because you looked interesting, and I figured I could probably use you! Hehehe! Now go give the people the thingy you made, hehe, then make yourself a sled or a wagon! We're going back to the cottage! Hehehe, don't try and run! Remember, you'll turn into mush if you do! Hehehe.